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As child psychologists, we understand the importance of positive communication with children. The way we speak to them can have a lasting impact on their emotional, cognitive, and behavioral development. While there are many phrases we can use to encourage and support them, there are also several phrases that we should avoid saying to our young clients.
Here are eight phrases that child psychologists never say to their kids:
1. “Stop crying right now.”
Telling children to immediately stop crying can be dismissive of their emotions. Instead, we should acknowledge their feelings and help them express themselves in a healthy way. We might say, “It’s okay to cry. I’m here for you. Let’s talk about what’s upsetting you.”
2. “You’re too young to understand.”
Children are more perceptive than we often give them credit for. Dismissing their thoughts or feelings as too young to comprehend can make them feel unheard and invalidate their experiences. We should validate their perspective and help them understand things in a developmentally appropriate way.
3. “Because I said so.”
This phrase can be frustrating to children because it doesn’t give them a reason for why they are being told to do something. Providing context and explaining the reasoning behind rules can help children understand and internalize good decision-making skills.
4. “You’re the bad kid.”
Labeling children as “good” or “bad” can have a lasting impact on their self-esteem and sense of identity. Instead of using labels, we should focus on empowering children to make positive choices and recognize their strengths.
5. “I’m disappointed in you.”
While it’s important to set expectations for children, using phrases like “I’m disappointed in you” can be hurtful and damaging to their self-worth. Instead, we should focus on praising good behavior and offering constructive feedback for areas of improvement.
6. “That’s not how we do things here.”
Insisting that children do things a certain way without providing a reason for why can be frustrating and confusing for them. Instead, we should help children understand the rationale behind rules and offer alternative solutions that are still within the boundaries of what is appropriate.
7. “You’re being dramatic.”
This phrase can be dismissive of children’s emotions and may discourage them from expressing themselves in the future. We should validate their feelings and help them understand ways to manage and express them in a healthy way.
8. “You’re not good at that.”
Telling children that they are not good at something can be damaging to their self-esteem and motivation to try new things. Instead of focusing on the negative, we should encourage children to keep practicing and offer constructive feedback for improvement.
In conclusion, as child psychologists, our goal is to support and empower children to reach their full potential. By avoiding these phrases and instead using positive, constructive language, we can build strong, healthy relationships with our young clients and help them navigate the challenges of childhood and beyond.
