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Hello Nashville! We’re at the Listening Space in Nashville all week! And boy is it good to see you.
And immediately after paying out yrs in New York Town, coming here is like using a warm sudsy bathtub immediately after living in Pleasure Behar’s armpit. Imagine me -if I could go listed here, I’d by now be in this article.
Which indicates it is really time for: Gutfeld provides why New York is terrible and silly and we need to have to get the hell out of below as quickly as attainable, please assistance! Very seriously remember to assist us.
Seemingly, no make a difference what befalls the Massive Apple, NYC stays the media cash of the world. It is really unusual – It truly is like declaring Afghanistan the most effective place to open up a gay-friendly mattress and breakfast.
Positive, in New York City, you can be pushed in front of a subway practice by a guy carrying absolutely nothing but a smile and a healthcare facility bracelet. But seriously, the Broadway displays are to die for! Nothing would make you overlook about your grandma having mugged for her false tooth, than a matinee showing of “Hi Dolly”
And have you tried using our New York popular bagels? Test a community deli: just stick to the police chalk outlines on the sidewalk and be guaranteed to phase about the bodies to get to it. The excellent news is: each homicide will come with a free pickle and a physique bag of chips.
So I wanna get out of New York but I have to convince more than my wife. There’s my mistress and her young children. But also, I have to encourage Fox.
How do I do that with no threatening to go community with individuals pictures of Steve Doocey like you have never ever found him ahead of?
Properly, we know the bosses are viewing this clearly show proper now. People haven’t viewed a hit this huge given that the very last movie of Hunter Biden puffing on his crack pipe. So probably I must examine and contrast the two metropolitan areas.
These days we went all around Nashville and appeared at what would make a very good metropolis – genuine estate, civility, cleanliness of the massage parlors. That past a single was for Kilmeade. I child – he thinks a “content ending” is when another person makes it to the end of just one of his guides.
So here goes.
Verify out Nashville’s foodstuff. How terrific is that? Really like that barbecue. It’s so great it has PETA asking for seconds.
Now, let’s see NYC. That is a rat savoring a slice! Yeah – when we get a pizza with “everything on it,” we mean it.
How about style? This is Nashville—hats, boots. It may not be your cup of tea, but who won’t want to see Tyrus in chaps and a bolo tie? We do enjoy our cowboys, except for Kat. She thinks “superior noon” suggests her lunchtime bong hits.
Now here is NYC vogue… *movie of the Naked Cowboy* Kat – 1 of your previous boyfriends?
What about authentic estate? Here’s a standard dwelling in Nashville. Gorgeous! So significantly room for all your things.
Here is one in Manhattan… *Skit of Kat showing a closet as an apartment detailed for about $1 million*
Now, you often listen to about southern hospitality. Here is Nashville. *movie of Gutfeld’s group cheering loudly*
Here’s NYC. *Video of a fight at a pizza parlor* Cannot blame them for becoming mad. They considered they experienced tickets to see a comedy show – turns out they had been for Jimmy Kimmel.
What about leisure? Here’s Nashville. Wander into any bar and you’ve got amazingly talented nearby bands, kicking some big ass.
Here is NYC. *Online video of gentleman in heels pole dancing on the subway* Wow, great to see Chris Cuomo moonlighting.
Yeah, I assume we know who won this contest. But the other problem with New York Town – it can be complete of individuals who in no way leave New York Town. And if they do leave, and there are not two shrinks per block, they come apart a lot quicker than Biden’s tooth on a cob of corn. They may perhaps know anything about vegan sushi, but nothing at all about the environment.
For instance, did you believe that that picture of border patrol brokers heading all over on horses with driving crops, whipping people? No, you didn’t, because you’re ordinary. You’re not Joy Reid.
But in New York, where each individual particular person is both homeless or after harassed by a Cuomo (or often both equally), these people today are as gullible and silly as the studio audience for “The Look at.”
So evidently the media thought these ended up whips. I understand. The only time New Yorkers see genuine whips are at their S&M sessions with their dominatrix. Which is exactly where I satisfied John Prosperous – he continue to owes me $40.
But it is really normally like libs to see items that are not there. I surprise what else they think are whips.
*Video clip of objects these kinds of as plants, Chuck Woolery, Godzilla, frogs remaining determined as “whips.” When a whip finally seems it is labeled as “oranges.
We have a hellish problem on the border and the dope from Delaware had only a person alternative: let us ban horses. Which raises a issue: has this dude created even 1 career? He’s even spiked unemployment among horses.
Men and women like to joke about how stupid all people else is down south. Up north. Flyover state. But the minute they action outside their liberal bubble, it is really like observing Tyrus don khakis.
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Meanwhile, the relaxation of The us brims with widespread feeling – the sort that tells you, no they’re not whipping them, they are attempting to management the horse on unstable terrain. You really don’t have to be the Lone Ranger to determine that out.
So which is why we want to depart. We would be satisfied here. But do not get a swelled head. We currently have just one of those people. We get in touch with him Jesse.
This write-up is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the September 27, 2021 version of “Gutfeld!”