Dear Ms. Manners: In a conversation with my mother yesterday, she is in her early 80s and I in my early 60s, we talked about a wedding invitation that my brother and his wife had received. She said she concluded that my brother’s grown son, who lives with his parents, was not invited to the wedding. She told me that the envelope was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Joe Blow and did not contain “and family”.

That part is not the problem. I was appalled that my sister-in-law didn’t deserve to use her own first name.

My mother is very accepting to change. Her word, her ideas, and her voice would never tell her agebut I was very surprised that she still thought it was appropriate.

I’ve been married for 30 years and kept my own last name. Of course, some people assume I have my husband’s last name, but if I was addressed as if I didn’t have a first name, I would find it extremely offensive. As far as I can remember, this has never happened before.

My mother insisted (surprising for her) that this is still “how it’s done”. Can you weigh up whether this outdated form of address is still appropriate? We have chosen you to be the referee

Gentle reader: Both forms are “done”; We allow a choice. Unfortunately, Miss Manners realizes, because then people like you decide that it is an insult not to use the form you prefer.